Sunday March 1, 2009

It is Not Good for Us to be Alone
Genesis 2:18-25

I. Introduction

A Few Words about Lent:

Lent has been a tradition stretching as far back as the late first century. It involves 40 days (not counting Sundays) of preparation for the celebration of Easter. I like to think of Lent in the simplest terms possible. Lent is really about a return
to the basics of Christian spirituality: the basics of repentance and faith. It's a putting off of the old life and the putting on of the new, to turn from our sin in turning towards Jesus by claiming his victory over the power of sin in our lives. Lent is a call to self-examination and a season to seek the Lord in prayer, fasting, and meditation on scripture. But let's be honest, words like Lent – fasting – repentance – self-denial – sin – the cross: these aren't favored words in our “have it your way” culture. These are words that challenge and crowd our busy lives. Who has time for that? 40 days? I can't find 40 minutes! Lent challenges our excessive busyness. The contemplative writer Thomas Merton says that the greatest enemy of spiritual authenticity is busyness. As I look at the church today I'm struck that when it comes to our relationship with Jesus that our problem is not so much badness as it is busyness. The demands of life absorb so much energy that we simply don't have any time for God. Let's make an effort together this Lent to slow down and attempt to cultivate an attention for God. This may even mean that we will have to cut out some things, even good things, in order to create the space we need to hear from God. Let's enter this journey together. Lent was never meant as an individual spiritual practice, but rather it is the Church collectively who fasts to better hear the voice of God.

This is why we are setting aside 6:30-7:30 am every day during Lent (except Sundays) for prayer. It is one way that we are attempting to focus our attention on Scripture and prayer as a shared community practice.

I would also encourage you to try fasting during this Lenten season. The Scripture says, “People are slaves to whatever masters them” (2 Peter 2:19 ). We are filled with all sorts of appetites, and generally we fill those appetites with little hesitation. The practice of intentionally abstaining from our cravings is a way to build self-control and a way to say that Jesus, not our stomach, is our master. When we fast we are taking something out in order to replace it with something else. Try to find ways to allow God to more fully saturate your life.

Here are a few suggestions:

- Fast from food. While total abstention from food (and sometimes drink) is the primary biblical model of fasting, you
could also try a vegan fast, or only eat one light meal on a fasting day in the afternoon.

- Fast on Wednesday and Friday. These have been days as early as the first century that have been set apart for fasting.

- Fast from meat. Meat is often associated with the wealthy and the church has traditionally suggested abstaining from
meat during times of fasting.

- Fast from dessert. Rich sweet desserts are typically commonplace only in western culture.

- Fast from coffee. Think about how much of your diet is filled with unnecessary trifles. Let your actions say “I love
you, God, more than coffee.”

- Fast from entertainment. While most entertainment is not by nature evil, it is often superfluous. Do you spend more
time watching TV or checking Facebook than you do in prayer?

- Let the money you save fasting from food or entertainment be given to the poor. This is the kind of fast God
delights in (Isaiah 58:7).

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn
off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, Dear," she said, "I have to sleep with your daddy."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

—Source Unknown

You may think that this is going to be a message about marriage, but it is not. The phrase that I want to highlight in the passage that was just read is: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (v. 18).

And while this provides insight into our need for a life-long intimate companion, it also clearly speaks to our need for community.

It is not good to be alone .

Yet, in a research paper published in 2006, it was discovered that since 1985, the number of people saying there is
no one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled, rising to about a quarter of the respondents ( Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks over Two Decades , Miller McPherson University of Arizona and Lynn Smith-Lovin Duke University ).

This essentially says that one out of four Americans have no one to talk to about important matters – and yet Scripture
says it is not good for us to be alone.

While I am not trying to portray that everything was perfect 100 years ago, I do want to point out that we have moved
from a society of smaller communities with strong family and social networks to mostly urban communities where most people do not really know each other.

While we gain much in the urban context (easy access to all kinds of goods and services), it seems these gains have
come at a cost.

Perhaps urbanization is the only issue, but maybe it is our technology that has taken us off our porches and put us in
front of our TV's, video games, and computers.

It seems like every form of community has broken down – from small towns or neighborhoods to our families – leaving us alone as individuals to navigate through the land mines of life.

I understand that we have Facebook, blogs, text messaging, and cell phones, but that does not change the fact that over
the last 20 years people are feeling more and more isolated.

II. The Lie of Individualism

We all have this need to belong, but we find it hard to engage in those relationships that could bring us into community.

In fact, to most of us the idea of belonging and being a part of meaningful community sounds great, but the reality of how messy community usually is causes us to retreat back into isolation .

Relationships take a lot of work and they can be extremely challenging.

In addition, most of us do not have the relational tools to enter into authentic community, even if we could find people who would accept us for who we are.

Things we should have learned growing up in our families were never learned because our own families did not function in healthy ways.

So far this hasn't been very good news has it? Well, for a few more minutes it is going to get worse.

Many people come into the church hoping to find community . The church is supposed to be a family – brothers and sisters in Christ.

But in most churches people quickly learn that they cannot be authentic . After all, what if somebody should find out
that I am struggling with sin? So we all put on our masks and remain in our (now religious) isolation.

But we were not called to live the Christian life alone. In fact, community is central to being a follower of Christ.

When we are isolated the devil has his way with us, our hearts begin to shrivel up and die, and after awhile we either leave the church disillusioned or we stay, but only to go through the religious motions.

Not only have we bought into the lie that we cannot be authentic in church, but we have also embraced the cultural
lie of individualism .

“I am the center of the universe” – and while few come right out and say that, this is how we act. We are self-centered, always asking, “What's in it for me?” As a result, we cannot engage in meaningful relationships because we are too busy looking out for ourselves.

In church this manifests itself in statements like, “Faith is a private matter” or “It is just about me and Jesus.”

We have also bought into the lie that if we are going to connect people to God, we must first meet their
individualistic needs.

The problem with this is that it puts the church in the position of selling Jesus – trying to get you to come by catering to
your specific needs.

And while Jesus often met people's felt needs, this simply opened the door for Him to say, “Repent and follow me.”

Can I be honest with you? I am not here to primarily meet your need. I am here to point you to Jesus – the only one who can truly meet your need. In turn, it is our commitment to Jesus that bonds our hearts together in familial love where we do reach out to one another and help each other in tangible ways.

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. 14 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” (Galatians 5:13-14, NLT)

So, is church all about meeting your individual needs? No, it is about living for God and others , and if you are here just
for yourself, you will not like it here.

What is amazing is that when you live for God and others, your individual needs either diminish in importance or
they get met.

“Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature.
But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. 9 So let's not get tired of
doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. 10 Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.” (Galatians 6:8-10, NLT)

But the lie of independence can be persistent.

We say to ourselves, “I don't need anyone to tell me what to do. I can take care of myself. I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”

Listen, I am not here to tell you what to do, nor am I even interested in making your decisions for you. However,
the Scripture is clear: “Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is
safety.” (Proverbs 11:14, NRSV)

We need each other and more importantly we need the counsel of God . God see all things, created all things, and knows all things – why do we think His commandments are such a bummer?

The more we strive to be independent, the more miserable we become. We think that because we have been hurt we can no longer trust anyone, including God. We believe the lie that says if we just pull back from everybody and look out for number one, we will be happy.

But there is a way that seems right to us, but in the end it leads to death.

Sometimes we try to belong, but remain separate at the same time.

There are people who are here, but not really participating. They are here for themselves, and if they don't like something the pastor says, then they gossip about him or her or try to get rid them. If they don't like the music, they sit back and criticize, and if their needs aren't being met, they leave – “By golly, that will teach them.”

We blame the lack of love on others, when we ourselves sit back and do nothing to help someone else who is hurting
and needs a friend.

Sometimes we do go a bit further and try to build relationships with others, but usually we do this only with people we like. We look for churches full of people just like us – ethnically and socially.

But Jesus says, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who
love them. 33 If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. 35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.
Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:32-36, NRSV)

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3, NLT)

III. So what Are We Supposed to Do?

We have before us both an opportunity and a challenge.

It is an opportunity, because people are looking for community . They feel the loneliness and isolation and they are
looking to get connected.

We were wired for community. Think about it. Every one of us in this room has a belly button – right? This is an unmistakable sign that we were born into utter dependence on others and that we are to mature into interdependence
with others.

People are yearning for community - this is the opportunity. But community is also a challenge.

It is a challenge because relationships can get really messy . Even the New Testament heroes struggled at times
with community.

“But as the believers rapidly multiplied, there were rumblings of discontent. The Greek-speaking believers complained about the Hebrew-speaking believers, saying that their widows were being discriminated against
in the daily distribution of food.” (Acts 6:1, NLT)

“They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus,
40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 He went through
Syria and Cilicia , strengthening the churches.” (Acts 15:39-41, NIV)

But community is intended to be a blessing. Our families were meant to be a blessing, and our interdependence as humans when it comes to goods and services was meant to be a blessing. Our communion with God is meant to be a blessing.

Satan, from the very beginning has sought to destroy community. First, he sought to ruin our communion with God,
because he knew that once he destroyed that, all forms of community would be impacted.

Over the next few weeks, I want to talk more about the blessing of community and put before us the challenge to
enter into it.

But let me throw some initial thoughts out about how we can do this.

First, we need to stop mimicking the world and believing the lie which says that we have to fight to get what is ours
and that we do not need anybody. This leaves us isolated and hurting.

Second, we need to mimic Jesus Christ who gave His life in order to set us free. We need to look for opportunities
to serve and love others , not to be loved and served.

Finally, we must see ourselves participating in authentic Christian community – a community that exists for
God and others.